Princess Esezobor | The Soundtrack to My Life

It was August when I first went into care. I didn’t realise how far my first foster home would be from everything I knew. I missed two months of school at the time, but I felt safe. It was my Leaving Cert year, which is an important year. Honestly, I felt so demotivated and barely wanted to do anything. I just didn’t care. At least I thought I didn’t at the time.

I had dreams of studying medicine, psychology or science. Although I consider myself quite outgoing, I became used to isolation. Sometimes I liked it, sometimes I hated it. But through it all, I always had music.

Music became my escape. I liked to isolate myself because I considered it ‘me time’ or ‘my most mindful moments’. I listened to music for hours – Hozier, Michael Jackson, Jorja Smith, RAYE – and shut out the outside world. With all that was going on, music was one thing that made sense.

My third foster home lasted six months – but sure, who was counting? I had lost motivation and studying for the Leaving Cert felt impossible, but I tried my hardest. Music was still there, though. During my study breaks I would listen to TikTok’s biggest artist – Doja Cat and Olivia Rodrigo. Billie Eilish’s album, ‘Don’t Smile at Me’, was on repeat. She sang about emotions, not just romance, and for the first time, I resonated with an artist.

I struggled a lot to focus on my exams and blamed myself. Due to the breakdown of my foster homes, I always thought to myself ‘It was your fault…If you didn’t say this or do that, then you wouldn’t be in this position.’ The saying ‘Children should be seen and not heard’ played on my mind. I was angry and things were hard. And then, I moved again.

The summer after my Leaving Cert, I found solace in new music. ‘Supermassive Black Hole’ and ‘Starlight’ by Muse became my anthems.

Some would consider my music taste quite random – I agree. It reflects what I’ve been through. Indie, pop, hip hop, rap, afrobeat, alternative, rock, even folk or Motown – every genre and every song has played a role. Music has always made me feel at home. In other words, I am chained to the rhythm.

Now in my final year of college, I look back and see how music has carried me through my life. There has always been a song that understood me when words failed. As I step into my future, I know one thing is certain: I will always have my music playing in the background, guiding me forward.

My Playlist 

Billie Eilish – Watch 

Green Day – Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) 

Gorillaz – Feel Good Inc. 

Guns N’ Roses / Bob Dylan – Knocking on Heaven’s Door 

Hozier – From Eden 

Jorja Smith – Blue Lights 

Natasha Bedingfield – These Words 

Olivia Rodrigo – Good 4 U 

Prince – Purple Rain 

Radiohead – Creep 

Red Hot Chili Peppers – Can’t Stop 

Sabrina Carpenter – Fast Times 

The Fugees – Killing Me Softly